Rainbows of recovery (An America x Reader Pt.4)

Forgive me

(A/N:  WARNING THIS STORY CONTAINS VIOLENCE AND SUICIDAL THEMES! IF THIS IS TRIGGERING TO YOU DO NOT READ! I REPEAT DO NOT READ IF THINGS LIKE SUICIDE BOTHER YOU! Thank you, please enjoy.)
I thought I would be okay now that I was over Arthur but then she came along. And she took everything from me. Even Alfred.
Now this is sudden right? Wasn’t I just hangin out with Alfred? Well, that actually happened two years ago. A happier time. When Alfred still believed he wanted to be my friend. A time that didn’t have her, his girlfriend. Even thinking about that alone hurts, but that’s not all. She seems to have made it her mission to cause me pain.
Alfred didn’t immediately stop being my friend when he started dating her, actually we were friends for another month before he broke the news to me.
I am alone now, I have nobody. Except my father, who is oblivious to the situation. He has enough problems with work anyway. I don’t want to burden him.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sensation of something cold falling over my head. I look up to the culprit, one of HER friends. I sigh, feeling numb due to the familiarity of the situation, and walk to the bathroom to clean off.
My reflection is a sad one. My eyes look empty and hollow, both from lack of sleep and the constant bullying. I no longer look like my normal self. My hair is messier and damaged. My clothing lazy and tattered.
I sigh for what seems like the upteenth time and wet down my hair to wash the milk out of it. Why do they always use milk? Once I feel it’s all gone I dry the ends with a paper towel so it stops dripping. There. Acceptable. Time for class.
The rest of the day went as expected. I was shoved into lockers, knocked over, had things poured on me, snide remarks whispered around me, and her rubbing in her relationship with Alfred who won’t even look at me anymore. He started pretending I didn’t exist around month two.
I was glad to see my father wasn’t home when I finally got there. I wondered up to my room and plopped onto my bed. I no longer cry. I’m too empty for that. I no longer feel anything but this numbness. A numbness I wish would leave me. Whatever I once felt I no longer know. I don’t eat as much anymore, actually the only time I do eat is when my father makes food. Otherwise I just don’t.
I let out another long sigh before rolling over. What should I do? I could take a nap? Or should I do my homework? I don’t want papa to worry that my school work is falling behind. He’ll get suspicious then. God, when will it end? Will I ever be okay again? I’ll do my homework.
When I finally finish with my homework I hear the lock turn. Papa is home. I should go greet him. I really don’t feel like it, but I need to. So I get up and walk downstairs, pasting a happy smile on my face.
“Hello my sunflower, how was school?” “Hey papa! It was pretty normal. Nothing really interesting happened.” He smiled and sat down on the couch. “That is good. Are you and Alfred still fighting?” I force myself to pout to cover the pain I felt at the mention of his name. “Yes, he’s such a child.” He laughed and ruffled my hair. “It’ll pass.” It won’t, but I can’t tell him that.
~~~~~~~A week later~~~~~~~
I have a plan now. This emptiness has grown to be too much. It suffocates me. I often find myself unable to breath from the pressure. It’s like a dark cloud that is always over me. I intend to be rid of it, and in the process rid the world of me. I’m sorry papa, your little girl has been gone for a while, and she’s not coming back. Please though, if you could just remember her rather than the empty shell she has become, then perhaps all was not futile. Please, be okay.
I’ve already gotten all the needed materials. The pain pills from my injury two years ago are still in my room. I never used them so the bottle is full still. I just need to make it through the school day. An easy task, I’ve done it so many times. Too many times. I watch the clock count down anticipating the end.
Home, finally. Papa is still at work too. I decide to run the bath, keeping the water on a cold temperature. If it’s too warm the process will only be slower. I go grab the pills and a glass of water before returning. I get into the tub, not even bothering to remove my clothes. I dump the contents of the bottle into my hand and look at all the little white pills. Heavy pain medicine. I shove all that I can into my mouth and use the water to drink them all down.
~~~~~~~Russia’s P.O.V.~~~~~~~
Finally done with work. I’ve had a bad feeling all day so I asked to get off early. My sunflower should be home now. I open the door and the feeling gets worse. “Sunflower?” Nothing. Is that the water running? I walk up the stairs, the carpet by the bathroom door was soaking wet. Quickly I opened the door to see what was wrong, the feeling getting worse by each passing moment.
“(Name)!” She was under the water. I didn’t notice the empty pill bottle till I went to lift her out. Did she take them all? Why? “(Name) wake up! Don’t do this! Papa is here so wake up!” She’s not breathing. I need to do something.
I call the emergency number while trying to get her to breath again. “Hello, em…” “SHE’S NOT BREATHING!” “Calm down sir, where are you?” “(Address) SHE’S NOT BREATHING!” “Okay, we’re sending someone now, what happened?” “MY ….. MY DAUGHTER ….. MY LITTLE GIRL SHE TOOK ALL THE PILLS AND NOW ….” “Sir have you tried CPR?” “IT’S NOT WORKING!” I can hear the emergency vehicles already. It doesn’t take them much longer to come in and usher me out of the way.
I sit in the living room and wait. Out of their way. I feel as though my heart has been ripped out, and I can’t stop crying. My precious daughter, my little girl, my sunflower. Why would she do this? How did I not see something was wrong? Did Alfred know? No, they are fighting, right? I can’t get the sight of her out of my head. Laying there under the water, not moving. The tub overflowing because the faucet was left on. Her hair and clothing soaked through. Oh dear god is she dead? She wasn’t breathing. I can’t lose her, she’s all I have. She’s my everything. She’s the only good thing I ever did. The only good thing I ever received from that woman.
“Sir.” I looked up to the medic my breathing quickening. “We’re going to take her to the hospital now. If you would like you can follow us.” I nodded and grabbed my keys. I watched as they carried her out to the emergency vehicle on a stretcher.
There was a long tube down her throat and one of the medics was pumping air into it. Her clothes were soaked and clinging to her. Her hair was messy and sticking to her face in a weird way. Her eyes were open, but looked empty. Almost completely devoid of life itself. It hurt to see her like that. My darling girl.  
I waited hours at the hospital before a nurse finally came to get me. “(Name) Braginski’s father?” “Da.” “(Name) has not woken up yet, but the medics were able to stabilize her.” “When will she wake up?” The nurse got a sad look on her face. “It appears as though she is in a coma and we are not yet sure when she could awaken. You can go see her but you should prepare for the worse.” I’ve never felt so heartbroken in my life. My little girl may never wake up? No I refuse to believe that. She will pull through, I know it.
I follow the nurse to her room. She’s alone in here, hooked up to a machine that’s helping her breath. Theres and IV in her arm. Her hair has dried and been brushed, and her clothes have been replaced with a (least favorite color) hospital gown. She hates that color. She looks cold, the hospital blankets are thin. I should bring her blanket for her.
I sat at the side of her bed and took her hand carefully. “My darling daughter. Papa’s here. Papa will stay here as long as possible. Tomorrow Papa will even go to your school and tell them you’ll be out for a while. When you wake up Papa will be here. We can go to an amusement park and we can go window shopping, like we did when you were little. Sounds fun da?” I know I’m crying again. I know I’m shaking. I know I can’t do anything, but maybe she can hear me. Maybe she will feel motivated to wake up. God please don’t take my precious sunflower.
~~~~~~~Next day~~~~~~~
I walked down the halls to the main office to tell them that (Name) would be gone for a while, along the way I ran into Alfred. “Mr. Braginski?” “Ah, hello Alfred.” “Dude you look horrible what happened? And why are you here?” I frowned deeply. This is her best friend, I should tell him. “(Name) won’t be at school for a while, I have come to inform them of this.” “What? Why?” “She’s in a coma. Suicide attempt.” Just saying the words brought the feelings back anew. I bit back my urge to cry. “She …… she what? No but …..” “I’m sorry Alfred. If you want to go see her she’s at World point hospital. Room A206.” He nodded, his face was downcast. “I know you two have been fighting, but it would make her very happy to have you there.” He didn’t say anything, he just nodded again and excused himself.
After talking to the office people I returned to the hospital. When I walked into the room the nurse was changing her IV bag. “Ah hello Mr. Braginski, we are replacing this bag and adding a  medication in hopes it’ll help her wake up. We also need to add a feeding tube, we will be in to do that later.” I nodded and took my seat next to her. “How was she this morning.” “I’m sorry, there has been no changes.” After the nurse was done she left.
I examined her hand in mine. Her nails have been bitten down to stubs, and the skin around her fingers has been picked at. Her skin itself is extremely dry and peeling. As though she hasn’t been taking care of it. I looked over her arm. There were a few bruises here and there. They seemed to be everywhere on her body. I looked at her face. There are bags under her eyes yet she somehow looks peaceful. “Forgive me, for not seeing sooner that you were suffering. My precious sunflower, I swear you will never have to hurt again. Just wake up. Please.”
I cried many times that day. I didn’t leave her side even once. The nurses didn’t tell me to leave when visiting hours were over. They let me stay, and even tried to bring me food, but I couldn’t eat. Not with my little girl like this.
~~~~~~~Three years later~~~~~~~
She still hasn’t woken, but I refuse to allow them to cut her off. Her birth mother has come by a few times, but that woman never really cared, the only reason she stopped in was because her probation officer told her too. Alfred comes every day after school and on days there is no school. He told me about what had happened between them. I was furious,but I could also see how sorry he really was and knew that (Name) would forgive him. So I have stopped being openly upset with him, but I do not forgive him, I can not. This is all his fault after all.
I replaced the sunflowers next to her bed, as I do everyday, and looked down at her. I can’t lose hope. It’s so hard though, to continue to hope when she shows no sign of coming to. I don’t know how much more I can take. I can’t keep watching her fade away. Her skin has gotten much paler, she’s bone thin, and her hair has grown considerably long. She looks like a different person. “I’m sorry.” I mumble before turning to leave, feeling hopeless as ever. I need to call my work and update them. I open the door to leave when I heard coughing from behind me and the sound of machines beeping more frantic than usual.
I whipped around to see her. She was struggling in the bed. I was pushed out of the room when the nurses and doctors rushed in. I could see them through the glass doors holding her down and pulling out the tubes in her throat. She looked so unhappy and like it hurt. I only felt slightly sympathetic for her as my feeling of joy at her awakening overpowered any other feelings.
After about fifteen minutes I was allowed to come into the room. All they had to do now was take her vitals. I couldn’t stop smiling as I held onto her hand. Her frail hand, that could hardly move to squeeze mine back. I was careful not to hurt her. “Pa...pa….” Her voice was soft and raspy, both from not being used and from having tubes stuck down her throat for so long. “I’m here.” She smiled weakly, as though the task itself was too much work for her.
“Papa …… I’m …..so….rry …..” I shushed her. “Don’t think on it.” She closed her eyes. Her breathing was slow and almost hard to notice. Is she resting again? She probably used a lot of energy struggling earlier.
Alfred came by a little while later after school was out. I didn’t want him to enter the room till he was calm because it could have stressed my sunflower out. So he was waiting in the hall for about half an hour before I, reluctantly, let him be alone with her.
~~~~~~~Reader’s P.O.V.~~~~~~~
“(Name)!” I looked at Alfred who was by the door, it took a great deal of effort but I managed. It hurt to see him, especially after everything. I decided not to say anything, talking was too painful right now anyway. I watched as he walked over from the door and stood at the end of the bed. Thank goodness one of the nurses had helped me into a sitting position earlier otherwise looking up at him would be more of a problem. “(Name) I’m so glad you’re awake! And I’m so so so so so sorry I was such a jerk! I should have never done what I did! I should have trusted myself to protect you from her but she blackmailed me and I got scared! I know you deserve better but can you forgive me!?” He had fallen to his knees and was hunched over the edge of the bed. I could tell he was crying by the way his shoulders shook.
“Alfred……” He looked up slowly, his blue eyes shimmering with tears, and hope. “I was ….. Never mad …. Just hurt ……. I love you …… I will always …… forgive you …..” My throat was burning from the effort of speaking. It felt like hot coals. I watched Alfred slowly process my words. “You love me?” “Of course …. I do ….. Stupid ….” He smiled brightly, which made me all the more flustered. “I love you too! So much! I promise to never hurt you again! I swear on my honor as a hero! So ….. If it’s not too much, could you accept this stupid idiot, as your boyfriend?” “I suppose I …. Could ……accept you…..”
In the months that followed Alfred proved to be a really big help. As was Papa, but that’s a given. Alfred did everything he could to help improve my mood, and to help me get my strength back.  In no time I was able to walk on my own. Once my strength had mostly returned I was able to return to school. They put me in a special program to help me catch up, and everyone was much nicer to me. Though that last one could have been because of Alfred. If someone said anything even remotely rude to me he would stand up for me and scold them.
Things are good now. I have my life, I have a wonderfully supportive father, I have a caring boyfriend, and I’ve made lots of friends. I’m happy now, and so very blessed.